Thursday, September 25, 2014

Lumpy Interoffice Mail

I'm always a little suspicious of lumpy interoffice mail….for good reason.

I once found a paper thin squirrel (roadkill) that was perfectly spread eagle. I was amused and horrified by it all at the same time. I immediately went up to our print shop, grabbed some rubber gloves. I pried that jewel off the asphalt and raced upstairs to our offices to show the student designer and laminate it (of course). I was waiting for the lamination machine to warm up when our pressman came back from his break. He bellowed, "who turned on my laminator?" I said, "I did. I just want to laminate this squirrel." And I proudly pulled that squirrel from the envelope with a gloved hand. He looked at my like I was CRAZY and said, "There's no way you are warming up that nasty squirrel by jamming it through my laminator. Do you know how badly that would smell?" Which of course, no I didn't – because ALL I could think of was preserving this find and sending to our boss via interoffice mail. The pressman left shaking his head and muttering something. He returned with two pieces of acetate and scotch tape and suggested I try to sandwich the squirrel between the clear plastic. "Genius," I thought and I was tickled that he was onboard with my scheme. 

The next day, the envelope arrived addressed to my boss (anonymously). I squealed with anticipation when I put it on his desk with the rest of his mail. Today was THE DAY! 

Always the snappy dresser yet always to work late, my boss finally arrived to the office. The usual good mornings, then he sat down to look at his mail. We were in an open configuration with my desk directly behind his. No dividers. I had a clear view. He picked up the envelope, bent the metal tabs back on the envelope and put his hand inside. He slid out the squirrel and starred at it. A moment of silence and then laughter. HUGE belly laughter. John was a man who turned bright red when he laughed. He was so red someone could have mistaken him for being very angry. He immediately pinned it to the bulletin board next to this desk and exclaimed it was the best interoffice gift he'd ever received.

Savor the details.